One Man’s Quest To Become The Greatest Gamer In The World

31.03.2024 - 14:27 / ign.com

As it says in the Bible, “I want to be the very best, like no one ever was.” Could there be a more true passage? I don’t know; I didn’t look. But if you’re here reading this site of tips, tricks, and reviews, you’ve probably felt the urge in your soul to become a champion. There may be billions of people playing video games around the world, but haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like if you - yes, you! - were the best at a game? I’m not talking about getting a high score at a laundromat that resets its Ms. Pac-Man machine every night.

I’m talking about being the best in the entire world. The greatest gamer on all of Super Earth. When other players get cute and think they’re putting up numbers, they see your score and weep knowing they’ll never overcome your spot on the leaderboard. That’s the sweet stuff, baby. Put it straight into my veins. Being so good at a video game that it breaks something in a total stranger. You want to lock down your place in high score history so hard that it makes other people feel bad. The never ending quest to overcome your weaknesses and to show the world that you have actual value as a human being while everyone else is worthless.

This is a story about a girl named Lucky a man who wanted to become the greatest gamer in the entire world. Reader, that man is me. And reader, I almost did it. For real. There were moments I could taste it. I was this close to becoming the greatest player who ever lived.

At Charlie Brown Christmas Pinball.

Oh, I didn’t expect to take on this burden. It wasn’t intentional. I simply like Pinball FX. If you’re not familiar with Pinball FX or don’t understand how to pick up context clues, Pinball FX is a game/app that allows you to play - wait for it - pinball. Some based on physical tables, some purely digital. A few are free to play. For the rest, you can subscribe to a service or buy them individually. And, while in a condition best described as “less than sober,” I bought a lot of pinball tables. A lot of these were classics like Star Trek: The Next Generation. And, because I enjoy Christmas, I also bought Charlie Brown Christmas Pinball. The fact these purchases were made two months after Christmas does not and should not matter.

At first, I played the classics! Why wouldn’t I? It had been years since I’d taken on the pinball versions of The Twilight Zone or Star Trek. And since I owned these tables, I could really dive in and figure them out! I was going to get good at the classics! Oh, I sucked at first! Real bad! But then I had one of the best games of Star Trek: The Next Generation I’ve ever had! And, folks! Look at where I ranked with 110,214,170 points!

Ten thousand, four hundred thirty seventh in the world! Why, that’s not too