Super Mario Bros. Wonder and my 73-year-old grandma now have one thing in common: Both have an utterly uncanny ability to capture my worst angle.
11.10.2023 - 22:55 / polygon.com
You’d think that after 35 years of kidnapping Peach, Bowser might take a hint. She isn’t into you, bro! Unfortunately for the Mushroom Kingdom princess, Bowser’s crush seems like it will only intensify with the release of Super Mario Bros. Wonder later this month — a game in which Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, and Toad can all turn into elephants.
Turns out, Bowser is really into elephants in dresses.
On Wednesday, Nintendo naively and recklessly confirmed this particular fetish in a short clip that sees Bowser attempting to woo Princess Peach with a flower. Bemused by the offer, Peach is then struck by an Elephant Fruit power-up and achieves pachyderm thickness, much to the shocked delight of the King of the Koopas. You can see it in his eyes: This has awakened something carnal, deep within his turtleness. Whatever affection Bowser had for Peach escalates into pure obsession when confronted with a princess of volume, mass, and strength comparable to his own.
Just look at this slack-jawed, lovestruck weirdo.
In theory, this revelation could be beneficial to Peach. Perhaps Bowser will come to terms with his new attraction, and will seek out a Koopa queen who’s more to his particular taste than some delicate human(?) princess. Given that elephants don’t seem to exist in the Mushroom Kingdom outside of fruit-based power-ups, though, it may be hard for Bowser to find a suitable, consensual mate that fits his newly awakened interests. Whatever those are, they don’t seem to be as focused on Peach in her human form.
I am now rooting for Bowser, in hopes that he’ll curb his life of kidnapping, and instead spend some time on elephant dating apps, or flying around in his little clown copter finding true, reciprocal love.
Super Mario Bros. Wonder is coming to Nintendo Switch on Oct. 20. Elephant Fruits aren’t the only new power-up, either. You can read more about the new 2D side-scrolling Mario game in Polygon’s hands-on preview.
Super Mario Bros. Wonder and my 73-year-old grandma now have one thing in common: Both have an utterly uncanny ability to capture my worst angle.
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The wait is nearly over. Super Mario Bros Wonder is almost here, and fans can’t wait to play it for various reasons. Easily, one of the biggest reasons is that the game is one of the highest-rated titles of 2023, and people want to see how great it is compared to what the critics say. But another reason gamers are excited about it is that players can use numerous new power-ups and abilities and want to try them out in spades. Not surprisingly, one of the ones that players love the most is the ability to turn into an elephant.
Anyone wanting to own a tiny Elephant Mario will be in luck in 2024, as Super Mario Bros. Wonder plushies are on the way. This release window is currently only set for Japan, but international fans will almost certainly be able to purchase their own Proboscidea-style Mario in the future.
Super Mario Bros. Wonder isn't even out yet, but it's safe to say Elephant Mario has already stolen the show for most of us.
It's Super Mario Bros. Wonder week. It's also Marvel's Spider-Man 2 week and Sonic Superstars week in what might well be the busiest few days for big releases in video game history. If the review scores are anything to go by, Wonder is the game people are most excited about. Makes sense as it's the first major Mario game hitting Nintendo Switch since the plumber's movie grossed more than $1 billion. It will also introduce Elephant Mario to the Mushroom Kingdom, and Nintendo has already confirmed the main character's new look will be turned into a plush.