Baldur's Gate 3 Players Upset At The Lack Of Willy Physics
30.09.2023 - 13:39
/ thegamer.com
In Baldur's Gate 3, you can pick out your custom character's willy before embarking on your quest to destroy the Absolute. Think of like window shopping before all those long nights at camp getting your groove on with Astarion and whoever else tickles your fancy, or bites your neck. The only downside is that you can't wag it around like a floppy uncooked sausage.
"I was spinning Shadowheart around at the inventory screen, watching her hair swing, trying to get it over her shoulder, and just being generally amused by its movement," HumanSpawn323 said. "I'm about 180 hours into this game, but the true entertainment is in the simple things. But it got me curious. There are hair physics, so are there physics for other things too? Are there penis physics? Naturally, I grabbed Gale, stripped him naked, and spun him around. To my great disappointment, it stayed completely still."
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Lack of cock physics is a big deal breaker, for some. You wanna see that thing go wild when an enemy shoves you off a cliff, dancing around in the open morning air as you flop to your death. "That's it," Rhododactylus said. "After 420 hours, it seems like there's no point in me playing anymore. Thank you for pointing out this disgusting mistake, OP."
Many are already looking to modders for the solution, so I did some... research. Googling, "Baldur's Gate 3 penis mod" for work at 2pm is vital journalism, I promise. After completing a captcha, toggling adult content on the Nexus Mods page, and digging around for schlong, I stumbled on a mod that makes penis' fucking giant, fucking tiny, and fucking detailed. No physics, unfortunately. Just a browser history I am quickly wiping.
Since the modding community has failed us, plenty have turned to Larian Studios, labelling it a bug in dire need of fixing. If your hair can wave in the wind, surely your plump pickle can too? Alternatively - and a little more seriously - some are asking for cape physics so their hair doesn't clip through them. Right now, capes are rigid.
Maybe there's some logic to immovable cocks, though. You're in a party of mages, surely they cast spells to keep their cocks in check, if that makes any sense. Or, as Bright-Thought5541 suggests, "It's a medieval fantasy setting, helicopters, and therefore, helicoptering, does not exist." I don't know, I'm scrambling for an in-universe explanation here. The tadpole did it? Sure, the tadpole did it. Let's go with that.
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